Relationship, Unitarian
Universalist
Principles and Spirituality
by Laura Montgomery
Service at UUCSS on March 26,
2000
Prelude
Opening Words
The opening reading is from Philip Simmons, "The Usefulness of Sin," published
in the UU World Nov/Dec 1999.
…. I understand Unitarian Universalism's seventh principle, 'respect
for the interdependent web of all existence, of which we are a part,' as requiring
us to acknowledge that our lives have a sacred dimension. The sinner, as one
rabbi told me, believes he's in business for himself. Atoning for one's sins
- as Jews do on Yom Kippur - means, among other things, acknowledging one's
interdependence with others and with all existence.
…. Recently I asked a distinguished seminary professor for his definition
of the word 'sin'. He replied 'Alienation from others and from God.' ….
All world religions place wrongdoing in this larger context. Papa-krita,
the Vedic Sanskrit word that comes closest to our sin, denotes any action
not in accord with the cosmic order. In Taoist philosophy, Tao refers
both to the fundamental nature of things and the way of being in alignment
with it. .…
Hamartia, the Greek word translated as 'sin,' is commonly understood
to mean 'missing the mark.' But when used in Aristotle's Poetics, it's
translated as error, frailty, or tragic flaw. …
Like the Greek hamartia, the Hebrew word translated as 'sin' (chet)
also means 'to miss the mark.' The metaphor comes from archery, and the rabbi
who told me about the word was careful to define it as 'to aim and miss the
mark.' Better to aim and miss, he explained, than not to aim at all. Thus when
we contemplate our sins … we should ask, 'What was I aiming at?'
The sacred work of healing is harder than we thought: We confront our sins
to heal not only ourselves and our relationships but the universe. ….
Opening Hymn "Wake Now My Senses" 298
The Lighting of the Chalice and a Uniting Statement
May this light warm our hearts with love and caring
and guide us in the ways of truth.
As we gather here for worship,
we pledge ourselves to the endless search for truth;
to the right of each to believe ans mind, heart, and conscience dictate,
to accpet the responsibility this freedom commands;
and to emplement our belief
in the essential worth and dignity of every human being.
-- from the Preamble of our Constitution
Song of Exaltation
We need most those whose aim will be
Not to defend some ancient creed,
But to live out the laws of right
In every thought and word and deed.
Frederick Gillman, adapted
Offertory
Sharing of Joys and Sorrows
Meditation with Words, with Silence & With Music
Hymn
Reading
from the book Original Blessing by Matthew Fox
In a recent edition of The Oxford English Dictionary we are told that
the notion that compassion is about a relation among equals is 'obsolete' and
that compassion is about superior/inferior relationships. … This reduction
of compassion to dualistic, philanthropic, sentimental, and indeed sadomasochistic
relationships tells us much about our culture at the same time that it leaves
us ignorant about compassion. .… Compassion is the fullest divine attribute
there is, to distort compassion or kill it is truly to distort and kill God.
It is also to distort and kill the universe insofar as humanity relates or
can relate to it. .…
Compassion requires equality, not subject/object relationships. … Creation-centered
mystics, for whom compassion is the fullest expression of the spiritual journey,
insist on interdependence being the basis of all relationships. … In a
theology that can only dwell on the fallenness of creation (these claims) appear
incredible. ….
Physicists like Fritjof Capra and Brian Swimme, biologists like René Dubos
and Lewis Thomas, ecologists like Jacques Cousteau and Thomas Berry all see
interdependence as a basic law of our cosmos. Barry Lopez points out that it
was 'the inclination of white men to regard individual and social motivations
in themselves as separate' that led them to misunderstand the native peoples
along with the rest of creation. … Two persons who sit together in the
same room are exchanging water vapor within thirty minutes. This is interdependence. … Mystic
and scientist alike are urging humanity to a new level of consciousness, a
new awareness of the interdependence of all things 'which are all involved
in one another and all part of one another.' … To wake up to this new
scientific knowledge and ancient religious myth would mean to transform and
recreate all our institutions and systems: nations, economics, politics, worship,
education. It would mean to righten relationships, which is the true
meaning of 'righteousness' in the scriptures.
How can this happen? Can humanity awaken to interdependence, which is the
basic consciousness of compassion? …We live in an illusion of separateness
and ego differentiation, but in reality we are already united, already part
of one another, especially where our depths or recesses lie. 'In our joy and
in our sorrow.'… What happens there to another happens to me. … But
to fully enter into this reality one must let go of ego's way of relating.
One must move from 'I' to 'we,' not by adding anything but by simply letting
go. …
When I talk of letting go of ego … I am not talking of cutting oneself
off from self. In fact, I am talking of befriending the deeper self within
us, of befriending our passions, our deepest feelings of ecstasy and of pain. ….
Compassion, then, is not only about waking up to a consciousness of interdependence;
it is also about living out interdependence. It is the action born
of the truth of cosmic interdependence. And those actions fall into two basic
kinds: celebration and justice-making.
Sermon
Relationship, Unitarian Universalist
Principles and Spirituality
by Laura Montgomery
For independent thinking people concerned with the rights of the individual,
the problem of interdependence may seem to be one of finding a balance between
attention to the needs of an individual and the needs of others. The more different
these needs appear to be, or the more they move in opposing directions, then
the more impossible it becomes to find balance between the two.
Now suppose we think of interdependence as Matthew Fox has defined it, as
this underlying reality of what is, what just simply is.
In this metaphor we have all these interconnections with each other and the
rest of the universe. The problem then becomes one of opening the channels
and unblocking the gates. Opening channels may prove to be no less difficult
than balancing different needs, but I think the metaphor offers promise. For
one thing, it begins with an acceptance of interdependence as a reality rather
than thinking of it as a goal that may be impossible to reach.
Our Unitarian Universalist principles are grounded in this underlying reality
of what is, the simple acceptance of our interdependence. Six of the seven
principles speak pointedly to the ethical character and quality of our relationships.
The inherent worth and dignity of all people;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
The acceptance of one another and spiritual growth;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process;
World community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
And the interdependent web of all existence.
The seventh principle, a free and responsible search for truth and meaning,
is more about our own personal intellectual and spiritual journey, but it certainly
does not take place in a vacuum.
We live our lives as individuals, as families, as communities, and as members
of the larger American culture. So what gets in the way of interdependence?
What blocks the channels of our interconnections? For one thing, I think we've
confused attentiveness with concentration. In her book, The Path of Parenting,
Vimala McClure is using the art of Tai Chi as a way of explaining the subtleties
of this difference.
"Concentration and attentiveness are not the same. … The opposite of
attentiveness involves not only the obvious - inattentiveness or abandonment
- but it is also both over-concentration and enmeshment. … Concentration
is focused, exclusive, ready effort. Effort dissipates energy. Attentiveness
is a spontaneous and relaxed union of mind and body. …. Attentiveness
is that awareness of the 'us' in our relationship with our kids.
It is an open, responsive approach to parenting rather than a defended, reactive
approach."
This distinction in attentiveness and concentration is helpful in understanding
right relationship, not only between parent and child, but in any relationship.
It may also be helpful in addressing our problem of over-concentration on individuality
in our American culture and our failure to recognize our interdependence.
Inspired by her studies of women in the social context of the United States
in the 1970s, psychologist Carol Gilligan found that the traditional psychology
of her time was inconsistent with what she observed in her work with women.
The traditional view was rooted in Freud's notion that the most important task
of the developing child in reaching mature adulthood is separation, individuation,
the formation of one's own identity. Gilligan proposed that this model of mature
human development which was based on studies of individuation and achievement
in men was inadequate. She argued in her book, In a Different Voice,
that the concept of identity formation must be expanded to include the experience
of interconnection, and that working out relationship and interdependence was
also fundamental to the task of becoming healthy, mature adults.
Outside the Freudian point of view and dating back to William James at the
turn of the century, several sociologists and social psychologists have also
contributed to an extensive literature on identity formation, or in the language
of sociologists, how we develop a self-concept. They have argued that we find
our own identity within the daily interaction of our relationships. George
Mead said the individual self develops as a result of one's relations in the
daily processes of social activity and social experience. Cooley and other
scholars described the looking-glass self as the process in which subjectively
interpreted feedback from other people provides a main source of data about
the self.
Self knowledge, then, is learned through our experience, that is, identity
formation occurs within the context of our social interactions, our relationships.
This frame of reference does not put an emphasis on the separation of the individual
from significant others, but instead describes the life-long and ongoing interconnections
between self and others.
We here in this room, of course, are most concerned with the
ethical and philosophical aspects of these ideas. Consider the consequence
of focusing, concentrating, on our own individuation as the central task in
our lives. If we see our primary goal as separating from others and are focused
on our own identities, we are prone to act as the star in the center of the
universe of our relationships. Relationship becomes secondary, or even less important,
as we strive to meet our own needs and goals. At best our relationships
are more shallow, less enduring; at worst, other people become the means
to our own ends, and our spiritual growth and psychological development suffer.
In other words, we treat people as objects.
The "I-focused" perspective, this way of seeing others, was what Martin Buber,
the great Hebrew theologian, was writing about in I and Thou. Another
person becomes an It when I am absorbed with myself, but when I relate to another
fully as an equal with respect for the sacredness of another person, the relationship
becomes one of I and Thou. Those who have addressed this way of treating other
people as objects and the differences in subject and object relationships have
given us explicit tools for improving the quality of our relationships and,
consequently, for promoting the wellbeing of the larger world.
But when I look at the everyday realities of our lives in this American culture,
progress toward I and Thou relationships and the realization of interdependence
is not what comes to mind.
Multiple forms of violence and abuse are endemic in the United States. Domestic
violence and child abuse are widespread. Half of marriages end in divorce.
More and more children grow up in single-mother families. The media reflects
our society's obsession with violence. The biggest money-makers in movies and
television are filled with violence, gunfire, explosions, international and
gang warfare. Children injure and kill other children. Tormented, angry adolescent
boys at Columbine High School killed and maimed many students before they took
their own lives. These boys were themselves victims of what Kindlon and Thompson
call the peer "culture of cruelty."
In Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, they describe
how boys in our society are actively discouraged from developing qualities
such as compassion and sensitivity. Boys in our American culture are systematically
steered away from their emotional lives by both adults and the peer "culture
of cruelty." They are taught that "cool" equals macho strength and stoicism.
The price boys pay for this impossible version of manhood is evident in the
alarming statistics for suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, and violence. Kindlon
and Thompson describe the social and emotional challenges boys face in school
and the larger culture, and they discuss how parents and others can help boys
to cultivate emotional awareness and empathy.
I believe the problem of how we socialize our boys and define masculinity
is part of a larger problem we have with our values and how we define ourselves
as a culture. We are obsessed with the individual, and we neglect the interconnections,
our interdependence. Nations and communities are aggregates of individuals.
The way we define ourselves as individuals spills over into how we define ourselves
as groups and as a society. The values of relationship and community are ignored
or paid empty rhetoric without substance in this country.
Individuality has a long and honored tradition in the U.S. Respect for the
rights of the individual and the value of individual conscience are basic to
democracy and are an important part of our Unitarian Universalist heritage.
But individuality has become narcissism in our society, and the rights of the
individual have become an excuse for the misuse and abuse of power. Individuality,
selfishness and greed have run amok. There is little or no recognition of the
interdependent web of all existence.
Our government, our entire political system has become hostage to the power
of money and individuals. Cynicism about our political leaders and despair
about political and social change are rampant. It costs millions of dollars
to run for political office, which ensures that only wealthy individuals and
large corporations will make the public policy decisions that affect
all of our lives.
We have more child poverty than any other industrialized country in the world.
45 million people have no health care insurance, which is about 9 million more
than when Clinton first was elected to office on a platform for universal health
care. There is a wide and growing economic inequality in America. From 1973
to 1996 median wages declined, then began to rise in 1997-99, but the median
wage remains substantially lower than it was in 1973.
The size of the middle class is shrinking. Moreover, in 1998, 29% of all workers
were in jobs paying poverty-level wages.
Corporate profits reached a new peak in 1996 and were at their highest level
since these data were first collected in 1959, according to Bureau of Economic
Analysis reports. In no previous period in U.S. history have corporate profit
rates had such a rapid and sustained rise. Yet, a majority of corporations
- both foreign and U.S. controlled - paid no U.S. income tax from 1989 through
1995, according to General Accounting Office Reports.
The average pay of a CEO was 20 times that of a typical worker's salary in
1965. In 1997 the average CEO in the U.S. received 116 times a worker's salary,
while a CEO in Germany was paid 11 times a worker's wages, and a CEO in Japan
received 10 times the wages of an average worker.
Many of us thought the 1970s and 80s, the era of the self-absorbed, swinging
generation of Fritz Perls and The Cult of Narcissism described by Christopher
Lasch in the book by that name, was the low point of this self-focused way
of looking at the world. This was a time of "finding yourself" and "doing your
own thing," a time when selfishness was actually considered to be healthy,
and responsibility was considered a dirty word. But two decades later the consequences
of these perceptions extend even deeper into our culture and into still larger
areas of our institutions. We now have a full-blown cult of the individual.
We need to reexamine the concept of responsibility. I'm indebted to Kerry
Mueller for clarifying the word origins. The word responsible comes from respond,
in Latin respondere. This means to promise, from an Indo-European
root spend - which means to make an offering, or to engage oneself by
a ritual act. Respond and responsibility are about relationship, a promise
or pledge, between two or more people.
Interdependence, the sacred dimension of relationship, implies responsibility.
This understanding of responsibility is like the distinction we made earlier
between attentiveness and concentration. Responsibility in recognition of our
interdependence requires an open, responsive approach to our lives and our
relationships, rather than the defended, reactive approach which has separated
us from each other. Responsive relationship offers us an opportunity to examine
our conscience for what is important to us, an opportunity to learn about ourselves
and each other, an opportunity for spiritual growth. Responsive relationship
is essential to the moral health of our society.
Closing Hymn "Our World Is One World" #134
Closing Words
"Blessed Are Those"
by John Buehrens (excerpted)
Blessed are those who yearn for deepening more than escape;
who are not afraid to grow in spirit.
Blessed are those who take seriously the bonds of community;
who regularly join in celebration and learning;
who come as much to minister as to be ministered unto.
….
Blessed are those who speak their minds in meetings;
who can take and give criticism;
who keep alive their sense of humor.
Blessed are those who know that the work of the church
is the transformation of society;
who have a vision of Beloved Community transcending the
present, and who do not shrink from controversy, sacrifice,
or change.
Postlude
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